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The “D” variable

If this week wasn’t the epitome of ups and downs, I don’t know what would be, really…

Short story: I kicked ass, even through more difficult challenges.

Long story: I bear the weight of the world that cannot back the hell off of my already “runneth-over-eth” plate.

Ironically, the “-eth’s” is precisely how I sound…right…now…when I’m not choking in between gulps of spitty blood down my throat.

Moving on.

“D”emons:  I continue to try to find the “awesome” in small things.  Take, for example, my Sexy Mother-Pucker lipgloss.  It tingles and plumps and is oh-so-very expensive…and it serves to  fuel a pompous, well-deserved primping every once in awhile.  It also means I continue to fight against the shadows that press continuously into the far edges of my silver lining.  And it pisses me off to feel like this.

“D”one:  I’ve said it once, I’ll damn well say it again, “I taught myself to sew and am DONE sewing the clothing that all five children will wear to the handfasting (wedding).  You’ve really no idea just how big of a relief this has been.  First, that they look freakin’ awesome, and secondly, that it’s completion has permitted me a more qualitative sleep…no nagging thread stealing gnome haunting my dreams.

“D”ental:  This month I have taken a huge (and by huge, I mean think of the biggest thing you’ve ever known…like…the universe) pro-active step forward in my healthcare and commenced Operation Dental CatchUp.  I’ve already gone in for my cleaning (last week), and this morning….oh boy…two small fillings and two full minutes of both the dental assistant and dentist wiping tears away from my ears while she was performing the freezing.

I mean, c’mon…who the hell enjoys wet ears without having cotton swabs in your purse?! *shifty eyes*

The state of your mouth holds part of the key to your success at managing chronic illness(es).  You eliminate the infection, you eliminate the inflammation…it’s really a no-brainer.  Google both “dental care” and the affliction of your choice, and you’ll receive multiple links to various articles, forums and websites…

For me?  Like many, it means sucking up a gargantuan (and by gargantuan, think of the biggest thing you’ve ever known….well…y’know) fear and just GOING.

I like to think of it this way:

If you are not actively participating in the routine maintenance of your overall health, you are not permitted to have a good bitch session about all that ails you.

I believe in the worth of my words.  If I’m just talkin’ the talk…I feel that I cannot, for example, ask people to donate to my Walk for Lupus, to support a status of a less-than-stellar day or even to just be there for me.  I feel that would bear the burden of the greatest hypocrisy.

“D”ude:  I’m sitting here with half of my face frozen, my tits have worn more of my iced tea than has made it down my throat, and with an ocular migraine about to start from the pressure of the work coupled with the tension in my neck added to the strain of my eyes trying desperately to watch the in-room television to take my mind off of the smell of burning tooth enamel (seriously gross shit) and wanting to gag from the water trickling down the back of my uvula.

I even contemplated calling the title of this post: “All things oral….” and then remembered my mother-in-law might read it.  Then I thought that that might be really funny.  Then I thought that might be best saved for another post I’ve a mind to do soon 😉

“D”aylight:  I’m comforted by the return of longer days.  It goes without saying, however, that photo-sensitivity is back with a vengeance and I must continually remember to watch my time outdoors.  It has also given me the inclination to….uh…y’know….get a new hat or something 😉  Ultimately, however, knowing that there is noticeably more daylight left at the end of my day eases those shadowy demons just a wee bit better.

“D”iscs:  Update on my lumbar disc issues – it still is a mo-fo pain my friggin’ day.   EVERY day.  It’s still there.  It mocks me.  It resides as this small twinge that serves to look menacingly at me from behind…lurking…saying, “I’mma gonna getcha!!”  It has, however, permitted me to perform relatively close to “normal”…or at least, pre-burst.

“D”oing:  I’m still getting up.  I’m still getting stuff done.  I’m still in pain.  I’m still excited.  I’m still listening to my body.  I’m still being pro-active.

I’m still sitting here with half a frozen face and wet boobs to bring you just a small peek into the life of the woman who just wants to redefine what it means to be a chronic badass… 😉


  1. Shane

    I almost had a wet keyboard to go along with your wet boobs when you said wet boobs. Silly sip of coffee.

    You’ve faced a demon in the dentist and faced it head on. You put up the fight required and you have done what needed to be done. You showed extreme bravery in that.

  2. Lemon Aid

    I hear you about the dentist– I was just there yesterday. It’s important but I truly hate going.

    High five for getting all your sewing completed. That’s HUGE!!

    I admire your attitude. Onward!!!

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