Today I overcame a wee lil’ more of that dastardly anxiety thing I’ve got.
Went to see a dear, dear friend in the hospital who is recovering from a journey through a hip replacement…with a second surgery for the other hip in a few weeks.
I have to explain the reason for my anxiety issues from within the fresh sweet hell within which I live.
It wasn’t just that this hospital was the worst experience I’ve had with a pregnancy (the twins). It wasn’t just that this hospital is, obviously, a “hospital”…which generally wig me the whack out. It wasn’t just that this hospital makes me want to kick asses six ways to Sunday to think of how much Dr. Sweet-tits butchered my husband’s eye surgery (not Lasik…a structural, musculature surgery).
No, it was this hospital…on the very same floor of this hospital…on the very same wing of this hospital…was the very same place that the very dear and beautiful Rhian, aka Shanty…spent her time last fall…before the end of days. *hearthurt*
I drove. I sing when I drive (my poor husband was with me) because it keeps me from thinking. Well, not from thinking about driving, but thinking about things that don’t need to be thought of while you’re driving.
Knowing this…and having the resulting chest-crushing anxiety-that-makes-me-think-I’m-having-another-infarction…I went.
Because I love my friend dearly. And because….I can. And because 101+ different excuses mean nothing when I compare them to the benefit of being there for someone when they need it most.
I’d made a card for her. I felt it was rather insignificant in proportion to the surgery and all…but I thought if I could put even just a little bit’o’me into it, that somehow that would make it…even better.
I hope it brings a little “zen” to her in her recovery.
I’ve made a goal with her…that we’re going to dance together around the fire at one of our most favourite outdoor festivals this summer. Even just one time ’round.
It’ll be the HUZZAH!!! heard ’round the world.
And it will be EPIC.
She said something to me while we were there. Made me all teary. I don’t think I can ever forget a thing like this:
This year’s theme of the festival is “Heroes.” She said she’d thought to herself, “How would I dress up as Brynn?”
50 shades of *blush*
I do the best that I can with what I’ve been given. My goal is to put the “all of me” out there in the hopes that someone, at some point, can pluck a piece of understanding from it as it applies to their own lives…so that they know and understand that they’re not alone in this fight against the afflictions.
I will dance around that fire, I can sure as shit tell you that. And she will be right beside me, no matter what I have to do to make that happen.
Y’know that corny Bette Midler song? The “Wind Beneath My Wings” one?
Well, she’s my Wing-man. Always lifting my spirits up and encouraging me to keep on keepin’ on.
And on that day of dance…we will overcome.