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I’ll need a short bus theme song…

Today’s prompt? “Little Engine Post.” Write a list post with 10-15 lines that start each with “I think I can…” Write 5 lines at the end that start with “I know I can.”

I laugh in the face of the Little Engine.



Me?? “The Little Engine that Could?”  Dude, I’m the Alice that fell down a rabbit hole and came up with a sword and a corset.


I think not.

So when I read the description of the post for today:

“When thinking about stigma, awareness, the healthcare system, and other big picture ideas – it’s easy to become overwhelmed. When we feel burned out, doubts creep in and we start thinking, “Maybe I can’t do this.” This happens to all of us – Health Activists are no exception. In fact, dealing with a health condition and managing a health community makes staying positive even more challenging.”

I was immediately brought to the memory of today…and a memory of a post long ago written…about purple painted ponies pooping butterflies…

Today was NOT the epitome of my best “HOO-AH!”.  But?  It’s just a day.  Like all days…it ends…in the blissful arms of a loving husband who cannot find a fault anywhere in the plethora of afflictions currently occupying my center stage.

In the chaos of my reality…my made-for-tv-movie kind of life…there is no “Little Engine that Could.”  There is, however the crazy-ass short bus to SpoonieVille.

I need to work on a theme song for that…it’s oh-so-very much cooler and WAY more fun…

Wait, wait, WAIT!!!


How ’bout a Transformers short bus!?!?!

I digress.

I think I can…learn to accept that my house does not require meticulous cleaning every damn day.

I think I can…try to make a better schedule for myself to include crafting and some form of spiritual relief (yoga, meditation, etc)

I think I can…make a more valiant effort to stop trying to micro-manage.  (Could happen.)

I think I can…learn to progress through the phases of grieving for my “lost normalcy” of health and truly begin healing.

I think I can…try to incorporate more vegetables into my palate. (Although I’d rather deal with flying bugs.  Or toilets.  Just sayin’.)

I think I can…make the commitment to dealing better with my diabetes.  I don’t like being told what to do, and most assuredly what not to do.  Sayin’ it like it is.  A diabetic diet is really hard for someone who grew up with a palate plainer than dry bread!

I think I can…sort out my priorities MUCH better than their current state of affairs.  It’s a sad state.  A pitiful state. (note to self, start that one tomorrow you sorry tart!)

I think I can…get back on track with my self-imposed rest times.

I think I can…really try to find the benefits (not necessarily the positives…) of having multiple chronic illnesses in an attempt to alleviate the sorrow caused by watching other people live the life that I, myself,  busted my ass for years to achieve.

I think I can…stop being so goddamned hard on myself for the faults that only I seem to see…

And hey…Engine…toot on THIS horn:

I know I can…continue to be an active participant in the quality of healthcare I know I should be receiving.

I know I can…make my voice heard through cyberspace to illuminate the issues and thus support those who are struggling through their own ride on the short bus…no matter what…no matter where.

I know I can…find other ways to feel smart, pretty and awesome when my physical limitations are greater than usual…I can learn something new…I can teach someone something…I can sure as shit make “An App for That.”

I know I can…accept that I will no longer shoulder the world’s problems.  At the end of my days (when I’m, like, 80…cuz I’ll have cured Lupus and shit) it’s not you that will be sad I wasted so much of my time on your drama…

I know I can…continue to make a difference.

I’m badass like that. 😉

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days:


  1. Heather

    This is terrific, I can relate to so much that you say here. God Bless you and I pray your fight against Lupus gets easier and less painful.

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