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I am Jack’s Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man.

I shit you not.

I have conceded, mere hours ago, that I am, in fact, in the full-on assault of a flare.

Total. Flare.









You might be in a flare if you have to have this conversation:

Me: “Honey, my right eye…it’s drooping…”
Shane: “I think it’s just allergies, it’s also pretty puffy.”
Me: “Oh, thank gods…I thought I had another one of those micro-strokes.”
Shane: “Don’t think so.” ~~~ continues to hand-knead pretzel dough ~~~
Me: “Good!” ~~~ continues to blow-dry hair ~~~

You might be in a flare if you’re sitting on the couch, minding your own business, when out of left field your upper hip is suddenly on fire with hot-stabby-poker-type pain and you bellow out to your unsuspecting family: “Oh my god, the pain is so bad I’m going to kill someone if I could move!!!!!!”

True story.

*shifty eyes*

You might be in a flare if, in addition to your droopy eyelid (I totally should write a country song about a droopy eyelid) your hands are swollen, your fingers  don’t bend and your forearms feel like they could have just finished yarn-bombing a school bus.


You might be in a flare if you move like this:









No shit.

Go, Go SuddenlySpazzyDroopyEyelidChick!

*jazz hands*

How utterly frustrating. To be meandering through the week and wake up one morning thinking you’ve had a stroke and have lost the feeling the upper part of your FRAKKIN’ skin on your hands, which, overnight, have turned into the Snausages treats my dog loves so much. Everything. Hurts.

Even my scalp hurts.


And, unless I can plunk my I’ve-earned-this-ass into a kegger of Voltaren…I’m rather S.O.L. on wanting to do several things on my to-do list for this week.

I concede that I must not.

I can, of course….I can do anything I set my mind to.

What I’ve learned, however, is that by pushing my body past it’s physical limits (and trust me…a flare is WELL past physical limits enough)…I will set myself up for an even bigger recovery time thereafter.

I’ve learned this.

I’ve not yet accepted this.

But, it’s part of why I post about it.


If I exude strength in all that I do…by an equal and opposite reaction…I can exude strength in all t hat I do not do.

Well, that, and I think it’s funny as hell to have people try to envision me as a Wacky Waving Arm Flailing Inflatable Tube Man. 😉


    • Brynn

      Oh, yes, indeed!! I haven’t had that one…but the “my hair hurts”…I know it’s really my scalp, but it feels like it radiates down the hair shaft. Bat-shit crazy. True story.

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