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Hold onto yer lugnuts…it’s tiiiiiiiiiime for a Lupus Audit!!

Everyone has a basic understanding of accounting. At the end of the accounting period, left side equals right side. Same with algebra, for my more science minded friends.
In a nutshell….it BALANCES.
Let’s break that down into Lupus/Fibro/Diabetic terms because, well, that’s me…
Tired + pain + little sleep + medications + inflammation + bone crushing fatigue + little structured exercise + 5 children…..
[takes a breath]
+ household management + stress + part time daycare = living at the rate of several wtf’s an hour.
Ummmmmm….that doesn’t quite balance, does it? Hold on…let’s see what happened…
My made-for-tv-movie-kinda life. Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
So. How do I manage to incorporate finding a game plan to deal with my many afflictions in amongst the chaos of my reality?!?!?
1. I need to find exercise and I need to find something I’m comfortable going to. Not “comfortable”, meaning it won’t hurt…because it will. ANYTHING I do is going to hurt. Peachy. “Comfortable”…in that I’m not going to get bored with it, my body won’t reject it after 6 weeks and it being held somewhere I have to GO to because heaven knows I’ve got willpower like a fat kid on a Smartie.
2. I need to find rest periods. I haven’t meditated in EONS. Just total mind/body escapism. “Downtime”….to regroup, refresh, remember how to function….
3. I need to find a way to incorporate these 2 points into the equation above.
[crickets chirping]
On a good note, I’ve found the gym I want to go to. On a bad note, I really won’t be available to go until the fall, unless by some miracle there is a precise cosmic alignment between Saturn and the outer rings of Jupiter coinciding at the equinox of some distant star relative to my house.
It could happen…right?
Alas, let’s not forget “Operation Conundrum”….where the cosmos lays down it’s own trump card….How can you go and exercise when you are suffering from bone crushing fatigue with a side order of “sweet mother of all things holy I’m going to explode” because your joints feel two sizes too big for your skin?
One novel idea I’d read in one of the Fact Sheets put out by was to break down the “60 minutes of activity” into more manageable 10 or 20 minutes rounds. (see link at the end of this post)
Okay. Honestly. After that first 10 minute round, already feeling like crap…what in the blue hell makes you think I’m going to haul arse for ANOTHER 10 minute round later in the day?? Logical, yes. Realistic? I think not.
Besides, you forgot to add that to the equation above. Which side does it go on? Is it a debit or a credit??
But they’re adamant….find a balance that “works for you”. Dude, with all that I’ve got going on in my life, I’m lucky to find my damned car keys….okay?
According to the pamphlet, this is how I gauge their mathematics:
Regular exercise = prevention of joint stiffness + promotes healthy weight + reduce stress (rs)
Rest = reduce stress (rs) + relieve inflammation of joints + restore energy
Therefore we can conclude that I must importantly reduce stress, no? It’s on both sides!!
Reduced stress = Rest divided by (/) Excerise = BALANCE?
BUT WAIT!!! Remember:
Fatigue = prevention of doing exercise[lack of exercise(feeling more fatigued)]
Oh, and where do I include the “multiply by 5” for each of my kids, “divide by 4″ which is precisely how many brain cells I now have left after working this through my over processed neural network….”add 3″ for the parental units I deal with…”subtract 2” for the daycare girls….and where should I stick the freakin’ partridge in a pear tree?!?!?! Debit or Credit?!?!?!?
I just sent my fiance out to do the groceries. I think it would be safer for all humanity if I temporarily refrained from operating a motorized vehicle.

1 Comment

  1. Jules

    Impeccable timing! I'm thinking about structure and how my new future unemployed life will need it so I I don't go nuts. I made a schedule for myself that included gym time. I laughed because that was no promise
    I'd go.
    Today in the mail was a coupon for 1 free 50 minute personal trainer session. The gym gods are conspiring!

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