Welcome to Lupus Interrupted’s “New-ish! But still always writing awesome schizzle!” look.
I woke up the other day and simply wanted to change “Everything.”
It’s beyond time for a re-prioritization of the “Everything.”
It’s been done. Overdone. Stick a fork in it, done.
I could probably write an App for That.
So, what happens when you’ve pared down to the barest of priorities and the “Everything” is *still* too much?
Well, your body gives you the middle finger salute, I can sure as shit tell you that. My skin continues to fall off and I still feel like a freak of nature. I’ve got one little spot on my forehead that makes me question skin cancer. Every. Day. It’s not, though. I don’t have cancer. That was Door #1.
Exhaustion levels are at an all time “If I don’t have to breathe, I don’t want to.”
I continue to “Do” and life continues to “Not Do.” There’s an intervention in there…and it’s coming.
[enter cricket chirp, stage left]
So, there’s going to be a brainstorming session going on with my entire family on what compromises, what help (to hell with the “assistance”…momma needs the shit to be done) can not only be offered, but followed through.
In a nutshell, to find out how the rest of my clearly capable family can own their shit to commit to a level of help that is, at the very least, compromisingly* acceptable. *I don’t think this is a real word. I simply giveth not a shiteth…
Where will I be in all of this? Dunno. My mom doesn’t want me here. I get to go have a mocha-choco-vodka-valium latte. *Not* to-go.
I’ll probably be pondering the “Happy.” that makes me, “Me.” Stuff like why I wanted to change my entire look here at Lupus Interrupted.
Why? Because I’m not just an advocate/activist for lupus and fibro and diabetes and (I feckin’ LOATHE you) psoriasis…I’m an advocate for LIFE…whole body/mind/soul kind’o’living.
For the “trying” and the “choosing” and the “keeping on of the doing”…and I think that that lends a reality to the “Me.” that will help other people find those things that keep THEM doing the keeping of the keepin’ on…
I remember that I’d written in a post in days gone by one tagline I kind of wish I hadn’t just pushed to the back of my catch-isms:
“If you don’t like the hand you’ve been dealt…change the game.”
I fight lupus with mixed media and scrapbooking. I fight diabetes with hot yoga and geocaching. I fight fibro with spiritual celebrations and faith in the honour of my ancestors.
So, when I was pondering a new “Logo”…I was initially looking at everything “mortar & pestle” for the Chartered Herbalism. I was looking at medical signs and icons of needles for the diabetes. I hated it all. Resentment filled my rage-y-ness.
Maybe I’ve been feeling a little “resent-y” because perhaps I was trying to mold myself into that socially acceptable view of what, exactly, a health advocate/activist does. Maybe the social premise of “All positive, All health, ALL of the time!”
I don’t know about you, but I sure as shit try to LIVE.
So, when life throws lemons and psoriasis at me… that shit burns like the Hounds of Hell.
I, owning my shit, then find those things that make me, “Me.”
That, dear friends…is all about how one makes the choice to change the game.
Chronically Awesome Achievement: [UNLOCKED]