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An unusual “kidney” condition…

Call it a combination of the “temporary” Lyrica withdrawal (more on that later)…and the “wtf” factor of watching my entire week get so booked up solid that any chance I have of attending the gym won’t come until Friday…and the anxiety of nary a moment of restful sleep due to said withdrawal…

…ALL of this brought to you, on a sweet Sunday filled with football and rest…

“The Great White Kidney Bean Freakout of 2011”

Ah yes…anxiety…in 1994, several months after The Night, I was diagnosed with not only PTSD, but also with what is termed as, “Generalized Anxiety Disorder”, or, GAD for short.  Personally, I think it’s a kind of name that doctors come up with when they can’t figure out a clever Latin term for whatever it is that ails ya.

So, yes…short story is…I suffer from a clinically diagnosed (meaning, it’s a wee less “invisible” that way if a doctor tells you that you have it) anxiety disorder.  Actually, the key point I need you to understand, is that I suffer from it easily.  As in, pretty much anything can, in theory, set it off.  And by “off”…well…let’s face the facts: I’ve got 2.2 minutes to find the nearest restroom before the mother of all…uh…I’m sure you get the picture.  It also includes heart palpitations, chest pressure, muscle spasms, sudden on-set headache…blah blah blah. (read: one of many reasons I often cancel a lot of plans)

So.  Couple this tidbit with the fact that I have professionally diagnosed (I like this, can you tell? It gives “credibility” to something you can’t see…) OCD.

So.  When my loving fiance took over the creation of the Sunday Football chili…I had not a clue what would transpire to be THE most embarassing moment I’ve yet encountered with him…

“The Great White Kidney Bean Freakout of 2011”

Chili is made with red kidney beans.
He made chili with white kidney beans.
(If this helps even ONE person recognize that they are not alone on this side of the rabbit hole…)
Imagine, if you dare, bluthering through an overflow of tears to your most loved significant other, “Who the fuck lives like this?!?!?”
And then seeing the pain across his face as he realizes there is absolutely, positively, NOTHING anyone can do in this kind of…uh…SNAFU…seeing his recognition that *I* know this is ridiculous…logically…but to make my body cooperate?
It’s a good thing I’m a damned fine scrapbooker cuz I’m going to most assuredly need these skills in basketweaving at the local mental facility.
“The Great White Kidney Bean Freakout of 2011”
That was Sunday.  I’m hoping that putting it out there will make it go away in my head all that much faster.  Just sayin’.
Today?  Day 2 of “re-starting” the Lyrica.  At the initial dosage of 75mg.  There will not be any of this “dosage increase every 10 days” bullshit.  I’ll park it here for awhile.  I need sleep.
Heaven forbid there’s a Great Cheerio Freakout in the coming days…
Also today:  Eye exam.  New optometrist.  Filled out forms.
Receptionist: “You have diabetes?”
[Hey, Wondertits, maybe you’d like to focus on the really important shit…like the LUPUS  I’d written underneath in the “Other” section]
Me: “Ya.”
Receptionist: “Oh, can I have your health card, please? It’s covered…”
Me: (O.O) “Oh! Uh, sure…” (Bad karma! Bad!!)
Long story short?  It was the first “official” form I’d had to write “Lupus” on.  It sucked.  Yet, as the optometrist commented for the THIRD time about how remarkably dry my eyes were (read: 1 rx and 3 eyedrop requirements)…she’d commented that many people with Lupus have secondary conditions affecting the eye, and that I should also look for signs of inflammation/redness inside the lower lid.
[So I says…PARDON?]
Yup.  She knew.  All about it.  And it’s consequences.  Relating diabetic information interspersed with eye exam frequency and…well…I was in such a state of bliss that someone professional had even HEARD of all of this…it’s all a blur to me now…and then the “yadda yadda…send this report to your doctor?”
Oh yes.  Bliss.
And…uh…this is how I spent approximately 6 hours of my day today.
Between killer bug-eyes and the “holy crap I used mugwort as a smudge and now my home smells like freakin’ POT how the hell do I clear this OUT?”…
Badass.  BLISS.


  1. Lemon Aid

    I yiyi, I feel your pain but I love your sense of humor about it all. (As a scrapbooker I laughed out loud.)

    White beans in chili is new to me– Dare I ask how it tasted?

    This is my first visit to your blog but I’ll be back again soon. Hang in there and, um, Bon Appetite…

    • brynn

      Many kind thanks for your visit to my delirium! ;o) As for the white kidney bean chili? Ya, it…uh…y’know…tasted pretty much like the regular chili…shhhhhhh… ;o) And *squee* on being a fellow scrapbooker, too!! Whoot!!

  2. Karen in East Texas

    I have never heard of white beans in chili either, but then I’m a born and bred southern girl and we just don’t do that down here. 🙂

    It’s good to hear that you found an optometrist who understands the complications from your other medical conditions. My eyes are getting worse every year, so I’m sure it won’t be long til I’m on eyedrops too.

    Normally smudge sticks are made from Sage for cleansing. I don’t know if this will get rid of the other smell, but it might.

    Good Luck.

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