Alternate title for this post should really be:
“When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel sooooooooooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.”
But that would be kind of too long for Twitter and I don’t yet have any bit.ly or owl.ly thingie yet. Which then reminds me that I used to…but now I can’t feckin’ remember what the hell it was or where to go. Which then brings me back to my alternate post title.
What a week.
It’s only Tuesday.
I have a hurt in my heart not related in any way to chronic illness or infarction.
I’m sad. But not in a personal way…in a “why are people such asshats” kind’o’sad. People are mean. Directly or indirectly, it really doesn’t much matter when your newsfeeds are saturated with “do!” and “DON’T!” and shaming and bullying and belittling and…
…well. That. Even when I made a choice to put the laptop down (read: woulda’ slammed the sumbitch shut but that woulda’ broken it) and focus on some current events, there was “The Commercial.”
For a fitness equipment store. Wifey giving hubby birthday gifts at the kitchen table. Hubby pulls out a lacy black bra. Asks her if she’s serious. She puts her hand to her mouth and giggles.
No. Next image is of hubby going to try out fitness equipment.
MOOBS. The f\m/ing commercial was referring to man-boobs!!!
What. The. HELL.
Straw broke. I sat here in tears. It’s taken me a lot just to go back on today at all. In FACT, truth be told…I’m surprised I didn’t just slam that sumbitch closed and walk away from ALL. OF. IT.
But I won’t ever let people down who I verily believe can pull gods-know-what out of the ramblings of my journey through everything that is “Me.”
[enter girls day, stage left]
Had a couple of generous ladies over to my house today.
1) More than one lady; and
2) In. My. House.
Score another badge for my assist-a-sash!! \m/ Go, Go SocialAnxiety Chick!! They were generous because they both know this AND…don’t think I’m as bat-shit crazy as I’d like to think I am… 😉
Vision Boards!!! They came over to do up some vision boards. Having done one for myself, I did:
[enter theme song, stage right]
An “escapism” board!!
Escapism: my ability to surround myself with the things that make me happy and thus prevent my appearance on the evening news. Or calling you for bail.
My escapism is often in the geek-realm of all things Star Wars…Doctor Who…and comic/manga/graphic novel books. I’ve recently re-begun my adventures in World of Warcraft.
“Re-begun”??? Yes. Because my first character wasn’t rampage-y enough to satiate my suppressed need to shoot the shit out of things.
I’m currently waiting to see if my ever-growing abilities will allow me to blow shit up. Mostly, though…I still can’t make my character walk straight and often need either of my sons’ help because I’ve gotten lost. *shrug*
I fan-girl over River Song.
I *squee* over astronomy and stellar orbs of beauty.
I secretly wish I could be a companion because sometimes?
Sometimes I simply don’t want to do this. Any of this. I don’t want to talk about health, or have it on my mind 24/7. I don’t want to remember pizza forms or Brownie/Beaver events or laundry or bills…
…and thus I “budget” an allotment of escapism into the chaos of my reality. And I can pretend I’m anything I want to be. \m/
Where will I go? What will I see?
Suffice it to say, I made this board to remind myself that:
1) I have the capacity to make a choice to take time for myself in ways that allow me the opportunity to be…whatever I wish myself to be;
2) I do not, for even a millisecond, need to feel “unproductive” or “guilty” of taking this kind of time; and
3) When I’m feeling sad, not only do I have a creative outlet through which to remind myself of my goals, my dreams or my “wishes in waiting”…I have friends.
And then….I don’t feel soooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaad.