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One Badass Hand & Body Wash

I’ve become my own nemesis.

Martha mo-fo Stewart.

I’m currently trying to manage three gingers (5 year old twin boys and their 7 year old sister…all red-heads. Fun times.) and moving my almost 17 year old son back home (stay tuned for “How to Stay Out of the Evening News, Part 1”) and back-to-school organization for the four of them (boy #2 lives with his father to help his behavioural difficulties) and Beaver registration and Brownie group and…what was I saying?…OH!…and reformulating my healthcare appointments that I’ve been direly negligent upon over the course of the summer and my daycare kids and trying to fit in that one last camping trip (lemme slid that bank card down my butt-crack) and the after-effects of having freeze-spray pain reliever applied to my lower lumbar that ran down said butt-crack and made me not feel my hoo-ha for two hours…

…I am seriously not kidding. That shit was a whole lotta WRONG…(o.O)…

…and now I have some particular insanity with tossing out every product in my house that contains SLS (Sodium Laurel/Laureth Sulphate) and its derivatives.

I think that’s it.

Oh!! And a mild OCD need to own one of every bottle of liquid Dr. Bonner’s Magic Soaps.  I think he needed meds, too.

Yes, so…my insanity defined today by making my own hand and body wash.  I literally wanted NOTHING in it, so I Googled and I read and I munched a few Honey Dijon Kettle Chips and I found what I needed: a very generic, basic formula to make the stuff myself.  I’m not planning on crediting any one site over another, simply because they all (six, at last count) use the same kind of base…they merely added essential oils or used a different soap bar or whatnot.

I’m not intending for this to *wow* the elders of the DIY beauty-care world.  I bow to your awesomeness.

I’m intending for this to *wow* people like me who want a simple recipe to make something that they think can help them out and save them a ton’o’coinage.  Nothing ticks me off more, as a “noob” to the DIY beauty-care world than to sit for longer than 2.2 minutes in order to filter through eleventy-billion websites, half of which claim they can cure your frozen hoo-ha.

I digress.

One Badass Hand & Body Wash

1. 1 gallon of distilled water (approximately 4L).  I used 4L.  I’m Canadian. 😉 EDIT: plus 2 cups


2. 1 bar of vegetable-based soap.  I used Dr. Bronner’s Baby Mild Bar…If I was so inclined, I would add some skin-favourable essential oils.  I wasn’t so inclined for the body wash, as it will also be used on my skin-sensitive gingers.

EDIT: I now use 2 bars of 5oz Dr. Bronner’s soap bars…(hence, the little bit of extra water)

3. 3 Tbsp of vegetable glycerin.  About as “preservative” as you’re going to get.  (If you use a handmade soap, you can likely omit this if it already contains glycerin!!) Many sites suggest that if you’re going to have a coronary about microbes and bacteria, to put the stuff in the fridge.  Have fun washing your hoo-ha.  Just sayin’.

To Do:

– grate the whole bar(s) of soap

– pour the water into a pot and add the soap shavings

– add the 2 Tbsp of glycerin and turn up the stove element (because I have to specify) to med-high

– stir the soap just until all the shavings have melted

– set aside and leave to sit for 10-12 hours and make sure no one drinks it (because I have to specify)

*overnight would be really quite logical, just sayin’*

If it is too hard for your liking (or by the type of soap bar you’ve used) logic would dictate to whip it up with some more water, added just a wee bit at’o’time.

Me? I used my egg beater thingy to whip it up before bottling it, as the soap sort of settles/congeals.  Doing so made it nice and opalescent. 🙂

Find yourself a kegger to store it.  4 litres is quite a vat’o’wash. 😉

EDIT: the most recent edits reflect the additions I make to make it the way I like it. This version has been the creamiest wash to date (just know you’re going to have to whip the snot out of it!!)…and has turned the original recipe from a runny-snot consistency (no, seriously) to a thickened glorious consistency. Remember that commercial soaps get all bubbly and lather-y due to chemical additives such as Sodium Lauryl Sulfate and its derivatives… “natural” products just don’t do this. This soap, however, has “staying power” for those who like to see some lather. 😉


Glycerin ($4.99, for 4 uses per) = $1.25

Distilled water = $1.99

Dr. Bronner’s Soap Bar = $4.49

TOTAL COST: $7.73 for 4L

A mutha’ freakin’ $1.93 per litre.

My last Walmart brand, SLS shit, was $3.97 for 500mL.

Score one for the Badass Martha.


  1. Sheena

    You are crazy in that awesome awe inspiring sort of way. I have been spending the last year or so slowly filtering out the commercial products in the house for similiar reasons, my dry skin flares are way down. It is hard work, but once you get used to it. The next big one for me is deodorant… hopefully next week I will mix up my first batch of a coconut base recipe need to get it mastered before December.

  2. Pingback:COM0014: Blog Post #6 – Your story – Algonquin College Social Media Certificate Program

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